...I am a recovering perfectionist.
It has been one day since falling off the wagon, AGAIN, but I am back on track today. I know it sounds funny but perfectionism has ruined my life. The funny thing is if you were to come to my home you would look at me and say, "Hmm, perfectionist?" [I don't think so] It's all or nothing! If it isn't perfect or will not stay perfect, why bother! Well, I am recovering.
per - fec - tion - ist [ per fekshenist ] NOUN
> a demanding person: somebody who demands or seeks to acheive nothing less than perfection
synonyms: stickler, purist, quibbler, hairsplitter, fusspot
Case in point: My first entry in my new blog I edited 7 times. And I am still thinking about going back and tweeking it a bit. Better get in there and read it now while I can stand to leave it the way it is. Hehe! My husband has had many a good laugh at me over the years. When I write a grocery list, if it is not neat I rewrite it. Sad....pathetic...ugh! Yes, I know. As my husband says waste of time! Again, I am recovering.
Why do we, as women, do that to ourselves? My God-given nature is to nuture. My flesh wants perfection. I am most demanding, seeking perfection in myself. Although, my children on any given day may say I am most demanding on them. It is a sickness. I know this because I have made myself physically sick wanting perfection. The stress, irritability, anger, frustration...the list goes on too long. I may have ruined a few relationships along the way because of perfectionism. Ever been there? Either I work too hard to make life 'just right' or I waller [Yes, this is an actual word not just my southern twang...Urban Dic. defines it as: to roll about enthusiastically in or lay upon an undisirable substance. Ha!] in guilt because I can never meet my own expectations.
But now, I am learning to let go and Let God! I don't understand God's plans and purposes. I am choosing to step out of the boat and keep my eyes on my Jesus. I choose to live! I choose to be healthy and happy! I have come to the wonderful conclusion [only took me 40 years] that if it makes me happy then I am happy. That joy will, in turn, exude from my being causing others to feel joy. Atleast, this is my hope. I don't have to have a perfect house just to please people. I simply want them to feel comfortable. My hair, make-up and clothes don't have to be perfect [whatever that means to each person I come in contact with] just to have people say 'wow, you look..... today'. If it makes me happy... My children don't have to learn everything every other child in the world is learning. They are exceptional individuals, with gifts given to them by God to accomplish missions only they can tackle. Thank God for homeschooling! We will talk more about that later.
I am leaning on the Word to get me through. When I think I have to have it perfect I remind myself:
Psalm 125:1 Those who trust in, lean on, and confidently hope in the LORD, are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides and stands fast forever.
Proverbs 3:5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the LORD, with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own understanding.
Conquering the mountain one step at a time!
Bless you my sweet friends, MOSS